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May 07, 2006

nature callls


As I stood there entrapped by the involuntary need to void a body cavity of fluid waste, I suddenly became aware of hundreds of people milling around my plastic cubicle. Standing six feet tall, my head almost touched the ceiling so I could see my audience through the small holes in the air vents around the top of the port-a-potty.

Albeit they could not see me, I am certain they could hear any sounds of a flatulent nature that might have occurred while finishing my task.

My family was in Chicago yesterday to attend a fundraiser for the American Brain Tumor Association. It was a three-mile walk through one of the several picturesque parks that hug the shoreline of Lake Michigan in the Windy City. Registration was at 8:30 AM. The trip from Milwaukee was an hour and a half by automobile and I ingested a good deal of coffee during the trip. Upon arrival, I found it necessary to use a blue hut.

The episode reminded me of Tjilpi's marvelous description of his bush bidet. (Necessity IS the mother of invention.) In the middle of the wind-swept, fly infested Simpson Desert of the Australian Outback, he can, at least, take a crap in peace while squatting inches above the sand. In the middle of Diversey Harbor Park, I had to share the experience with all manner of human kind.

But civilization does have its advantages. I overheard a good joke coming from the outside while I was putting everything away. It went something like this:

I'm in a bar, having a few drinks, when I realize I gotta take a leak. So I go into one of the restroom stalls, and moments later, the guy in the next stall, says "Hi. How's it goin?" So, I go "Uhhh, all right." A couple of seconds later he says, "What are ya doin tonight?" So, naturally I replied, "Just havin' a couple of beers, and then I'm goin home." The next thing he says is, "Listen, I'll call you back later. There's an idiot in the next stall, answering everything I say."

Posted by roadapples at May 7, 2006 06:09 AM

Love that joke! and I like the idea of the Bush bidet.....LOL

Posted by: kenju at May 7, 2006 12:37 PM

I laughed out loud! I'll be showing that one to the next person to come into the office. (If it's suitable for them, that is.)

Posted by: Tjilpi at May 7, 2006 08:07 PM

I read somewhere that modern society is one cause for the amount of prostate disease we currently see. When you gotta go we used to be able to use any tree, now we wait until we see a port-a-potty.

I don't mind rare trips to civilization, as long as they are short and infrequent. I like being able to step around the barn.

Cell phones. I don't own one and I think I can be a Luddite about it for a while yet.

Posted by: euclid at May 9, 2006 02:17 AM

I've already had multiple laughs in the office and quite a few "That is very funny" replies from the email copy I sent to most of the people in my address book.

Give up your day job.

You could do the stand up comedian thing if you can continue with gags like that one.

Posted by: Tjilpi [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 9, 2006 04:13 AM

I thought you had been to a rock festival. My bad.

Posted by: poopie at May 9, 2006 05:45 PM