Road Apples: love in a haze

January 14, 2006

love in a haze

Words are so inadequate sometimes. Yet, there are easily over one million words in the English language. Conservatively speaking, young children have the ability to learn and use three hundred words by the time they reach kindergarten. I like to tease my fifteen year old that her first word was 'freedom'. It is an inside joke that only the two of us would understand.

Take this photo for example. It was taken in early June. The three females are looking over the railing that guards the boardwalk of Santa Monica, California. With the mountains in the background, the expanse of sea shell strewn sand in the middle ground, and the beautiful azure blue sky as a backdrop, the view of the beach is, by any standard, stunning. But describing the general scene is not the difficulty. There are more than enough words for that. It is what the photographer feels deep inside that's the bugaboo.

Take note of the shortest one. She is obviously quite different and, in some ways, distant from the other two. Why is she the only one with a hat? Why does she seem to be desperately hanging on to the arm of the young girl next to her?

It all started subtly - so slowly no one noticed at first most of all the woman with the hat. In April, she was having low level headaches that would not seem to go away. Always four steps ahead of her husband, now her walk was slowing down. She seemed to be a little confused sometimes and occasionally could not finish sentences or thoughts.

As is often the case, the photographer put away the digital camera after the vacation and did not look at the photos again until a few months later.

After she went home, the symptoms became unbearable and very evident to close family members. On the fourth doctor visit in mid July, the husband went with her to the doctor's office. She was unable to understand and tell the doctor what she had become. She looked to her husband to speak for her. The doctor became visibly anxious and concerned. A scan was ordered and analyzed. It was a tumor the size of an orange in the left frontal lobe of her brain. The doctors have a one hundred dollar word for it, glioblastoma multiform, a very aggressive form of brain cancer.

After surgery, eight days in the hospital, and a month's time to recover from the incision, the husband and his wife was sitting on the deck enjoying time together talking about recent events in their lives. He was trying to help her regain some of the memory she had lost. The California vacation came up. He took out the camera to show his wife the photos he had taken.

This one hit him in the stomach like a fist with a roll of quarters. Suddenly it all made sense. Deep down inside, it all made sense to him now. How could he not know it then? Why did he take his wife to California on a vacation for God's sake when she was so sick? There are no words to describe the guilt he felt for his inability to fully understand what was happening to the one person who meant everything to him when he snapped this family photo. All the evidence he needed was right there in the viewfinder in front of his eye.

Posted by roadapples at January 14, 2006 10:28 AM

You could never have known that from the photo except in hindsight. Don't beat yourself up about it. She had a part in the decision to go, didn't she?

I am sorry to hear of the trouble, and hope that the prognosis is good.

Posted by: kenju at January 14, 2006 04:07 PM

Very powerful. Glad that all is well.

Posted by: poopie at January 14, 2006 04:17 PM

k: It was this and other things that I knew was happening to her that should have rang the alarm bells and yes she has made a remarkable recovery and is doing well.

Thanks poopie.

Posted by: road apples at January 15, 2006 07:05 AM

So happy to hear of the recovery. It's a beautiful picture; I'm not too sure you could have known.

Posted by: Fred at January 15, 2006 08:44 AM

If you like Frank and Basie, ask Pandora to play Michael Buble for you. He sounds just like Frank at his best!

Posted by: kenju at January 15, 2006 12:05 PM

There is a medical instrument called the retrospectoscope. Seems like you have discovered it! And it was only on the 4th doctors visit their index of suspicion was raised enough to order a scan. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Posted by: Tjilpi at January 15, 2006 09:16 PM

what tjilpi said. jus' like that.

Posted by: kim at January 17, 2006 10:30 PM

I have never dealt with anything as serious as this, but I think I would have done the same. I would have brushed the clues away since I would not have wanted to deal with them.

Posted by: Prochein Amy at February 5, 2006 10:07 PM